Courtney Gilmore Though my kids are grown now, I haven’t forgotten the struggles of being a young mom. The joys are endless, and wonderful, and every age and stage are great for many reasons. I’m sure I’ve written about the joys of motherhood before and I’m sure I will again, but that’s not what I’m thinking about today. Today, I want to encourage you in your struggles by letting you know that I remember.
I Remember
I remember trying to shush my crying baby in public, quiet my kids when they got too loud, and keep them occupied in the doctor’s office. I remember trying to keep them seated in the restaurant, quiet in church, and entertained in the car. I remember having only five things left to get in the grocery store when my child had a complete melt down in the aisle. I remember crying after they went to bed because I’d yelled at them again that today. I remember holding my breath as they stood before the church to perform, hoping that big sister didn’t try to tell little brother where to stand so a fight didn’t break out in front of everyone.
I remember feeling their eyes on me – the ones of whose children were grown. Was my crying baby bothering them? Were my kids being too loud? Do they think I don’t know what I’m doing? Do they think I’m not trying, I don’t care, I don’t see where I’ve messed up? Were they judging me or was I judging myself? I was doing the best I could. I had read all the books, listened to all the advice. I knew where I had failed, and I was trying to get a grip on it. Give me grace people! I’m trying! It might take me some time, but I see where I went wrong and I’m trying to fix it.
I Remember the Help
I remember all of that and much more. But I also remember the people that eased my worries, calmed my fears, and made me feel like I was doing a good job. I remember those who helped me, the ones who smiled knowingly, and the people who encouraged me. I remember the ones who said it would get easier and I would figure it out. I remember those who played with my rowdy children, engaged them in conversation, got them to sleep, and had patience when I did not.
I remember my father-in-law distracting my son in the car with a bear sighting out the window. (We live in Texas by the way.) This started a daily ritual of driving around, looking for bears so I could get thirty minutes of peace and quiet.
I remember my daughter falling apart when her castle fell and how my brother went to calm her frustrations and help her rebuild. I remember that next Christmas when he bought her Legos to replace those blocks, saying that Legos don’t fall so easily. He said there was no need to get frustrated when we could just eliminate the problem all together.
I remember my cousin taking my baby while I was trying to teach VBS with him in my arms. Later, when I saw him without my baby and asked where he was, my cousin simply said, “I got him to sleep and put him on a pallet in the floor in there with the ladies preparing the food.”
I remember the people who took my kids to the concession stand and let them sit in their laps as they ate a drippy sucker. I remember those who took my kids to play so I could watch my brother score the winning touchdown without distraction.
I Remember the Strangers
I remember the man on the plane who carried my bags so that I could carry my crying baby, and the one who told my four-year-old daughter that she was such a good helper. I remember the smile on her face and snuggles of my boy as his cries stopped.
I remember the couples in church who handed my child a book or some crayons while they smiled sweetly at me. I remember those who sat them in their laps and ran their fingers over the words in the hymnal. I remember those who slipped a toy in front of my son in the nursery so he would have something to play with while he sat wishing he was with his mom instead of them.
I remember the woman who took my son in her arms as he cried and said, “Go. He will be fine.” She occupied him every week by carrying him with her from room to room as she checked on other classes and got drinks and snacks for everyone. Everywhere they went she would say, “Well, I don’t see mom in here. Let’s go do such and such in the other room and see if she’s in there.” This sweet lady was about my age now. Her children had all just left home, and she gave me one hour every week to be alone with other moms.
I remember the little old ladies who watched my rambunctious children with pure joy. At first, I worried they were being too wild. But the look on those ladies’ faces said they’d been sitting with stuffy, quiet adults for way too long and needed to see the reckless abandon of a child and hear their wild laughter.
So Today I Smile
Because I remember how hard it was, but I also remember all the help along the way, today, I smile.
I take crying babies from their moms and tell them to go. I take them and get them to sleep when I see the look of pure exhaustion on the mom’s face. I bounce them, and rock them, and walk them. I take them to look out the window and I slide a toy in front of them when they won’t let me pick them up.
When I see a child melting down in the store, I smile at the mom with understanding, and I try to engage the child and help them forget why they’re crying. I play with the little ones so their moms can have a break or watch their other child play ball. I engage them in conversation and try to distract them from their frustrations. I am patient with them and talk to them gently when their parents have clearly had enough. I tell the little girl that she looks like a good helper, and I watch as a smile comes across her face. I giggle knowingly when I see the siblings squabbling as they stand before the church to perform.
I reassure the parents that I love hearing their children’s squeals and laughter. I tell them my youngest is 21 and that we don’t have children running around, climbing on things, and being loud. So, I am truly enjoying theirs.
So, to all the Young Moms
I remember! I am not judging you. Do not judge yourself. Enjoy your children. Let them be kids. Yes, there’s a time and place, and sometimes they need to settle down and get in trouble. But get on to them because you want them to be good people and teach them right from wrong, not because you are worried about what the rest of us think. There will be those out there who will judge you no matter what. But there are also those of us who don’t have little ones anymore, and we are enjoying yours. So, just do your best and know that most of us remember and we support you.
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This post was inspired by the lesson “Looking After the Family” as taught on YouTube, Podcast, and written on Substack. Read the beginning of the lesson for free. Or read it in its entirety, along with previous lessons over the Ten Commandments, Deuteronomy, Joshua, and Judges, for $6/month or $60/year. Once subscribed, you’ll receive one lesson each week by email after that and access to all previous lessons. Print all the material you need with one subscription. Cancel anytime.
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