Courtney Gilmore The short answer to this question is yes. There are times that we need to confront other people’s sins. But we cannot and should not, address every single sin of every single person. So, how do we determine when to say something and when to mind our own business? Then, if it is determined that we should say something, how do we go about it?
The first thing we need to do is determine whether this person is a believer or not. If they are not, then then they have not claimed Him to be their Lord and they are not yet bound by His laws. They also do not bear His name, so they can do no damage to it by acting contrary to Him. So, the only reason to talk to an unbeliever about their sin, is to point them to Jesus. It is not to reprimand them, but to explain that because God is our Creator, He makes the rules. But because we are human, we all break them.
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 3:23
This is why we all need someone to pay the price for our sins and set us right with God.
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
2 Corinthians 5:21
Because He died for us, it is only fitting that we live for Him.
He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.
2 Corinthians 5:15
Unbelievers: How
But when we talk to unbelievers, we must do it as fellow sinners, not as self-righteous Christians. It must be out of love and not condemnation. They need to know that sin carries are far heavier burden than obeying God does. It makes us feel guilty and it can be really hard to escape its clutches. But they can find freedom from its hold and its consequences. There is a better way. Then, we can explain the power of the Holy Spirit to help us walk in His ways.
Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh. These are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things you wish. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Those who are Christ’s, have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 16-17, 22-25
Galatians 5:16-17, 22-25
So, yes, we must confront the sin of unbelievers, but only in the light of their Savior. Otherwise, how will they ever know Him, His saving grace, and the eventually find rest with Him in heaven?
Fellow Christians: Why
On the other hand, Christians do know God and His laws and by calling themselves Christ-followers, they bear His name. They have a responsibility to bear it rightly. We are His representatives, and we must represent Him well. Otherwise, they give an incorrect view of Him to the world and they hurt the body of Christ in the process. How many of you have heard that someone doesn’t want to go to church because everyone there is self-righteous, judgmental, or hypocritical?
If the only Christians they know make them feel bad about themselves, act like they are above everyone else, or do things that are obviously wrong to the outside world, then they will think that every Christian is like that and they won’t have anything to do with any of us. But more importantly, they may also want nothing to do with God.
People outside of the church know that we are supposed to look different than the rest of the world. If we don’t, then what’s the point. But sometimes as Christians, we forget this. We use the excuse of being “only human,” when God Himself says that we should be holy as He is holy. That word does not mean perfect. It actually just means set apart. We should be set apart from the world and if we’re not, then something is wrong. We cannot be His witness if we don’t look like Him, and especially if we look like everyone else.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
Fellow Christians: When It Hurts Them
So, because it is important for all Christians to represent God well, when do we talk to someone about their sin and when do we keep our mouths shut? A good rule of thumb is if it hurts their relationship with God, His name or body (church), or someone else, then you should probably say something. Also, if it is a perpetual, habitual sin, something that is becoming part of their lifestyle or identity, then it should be addressed.
If the person seems unaware that they are going against God, we want to go to them out of love and concern. If you were sinning and did not know it, wouldn’t you want it brought to your attention? Someone who is young in the faith, may not have any idea that what they are doing is wrong. Also, sometimes, they know God’s Word but they have convinced themselves that what they are doing is okay. In that case, they need someone who loves them, and the Lord, to tell the truth, even if they do not want to hear it.
Then there are times when they know they are doing something wrong but they think they are hiding it, and it isn’t hurting anyone. But if you know then it is very possible there are other people that know too. Although, even if it is a well kept secret and it really isn’t hurting anyone else, God knows and it hurts their relationship with them. If we care about our fellow Christians, we don’t want to see them do something that will damage their relationship with God. Whether their sin is unknown to them or others or whether it is just rationalized, it is harmful to them.
When it Hurts God’s Name or the Church
If their sin is very public or they are in a position of leadership in the church or community, they could lead others astray or push people away, and damage God’s name or the reputation of the church or believers as a whole.
Let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.
James 3:1
Also, if their sin hurts someone else, especially someone who can’t defend themselves, we should step in. Love and justice demand that we not stand idly by while someone is being hurt.
Wash yourselves. Make yourselves clean. Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes. Cease to do evil. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Rebuke the oppressor. Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.
Isaiah 1:16-17
Everyone sins, but the practice of sin is a problem. Anyone who practices a particular sin is at risk of it becoming a lifestyle, and that’s dangerous.
The works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21
Sinful lifestyles and identities threaten to hurt that person’s relationship with God, His name, His church, and others all at once.
Correct Yourself First
Once we have decided that we should confront someone in their sin, before we go to them, we must first examine ourselves. We may not be damaging God’s name or His church in the same way as them, but if we are damaging His name or our witness in any way, we must first correct ourselves.
Whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.
James 2:10
Suppose we confront someone about their sin, but we are actually doing something equally wrong or even more egregious. In that case, we look self-righteous, and less zealous for God than we are concerned with virtue signaling and human appearances.
Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:5
How to Approach Their Sin
Once we have examined ourselves and removed any appearance of sin in our own lives, we must approach our fellow Christians in love and understanding. We want to encourage and restore and not condemn. They must see that we are not trying to put them down or bring ourselves up. We are only talking to them about this because we care about them and about God.
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2
Lastly, this should be done on the smallest scale to be effective. The goal is for realization and repentance, not condemnation or public humiliation.
If your brother sins against you, tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ If he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
So, first, we go to them alone in love. If they do not listen, we bring it to the attention of another person who loves and cares about them and the Lord, and we confront them together. As a last resort, someone living in repetitive, unrepentant rebellion against God should be brought before the elders of the church. If they still refuse to listen, and choose to continue living in sin, then maybe they never belonged to God in the first place.
To Stir Up Love and Good Works
So, the only reason to consider someone else’s sin, is because you love them and the Lord and you want to encourage them and defend God’s name and His people.
Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another.
Hebrews 10:24-25
Then we should always approach them in humility, remembering our own sin, and having a desire towards righteousness and reconciliation.
God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:5-7
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