Courtney Gilmore Some people do not like text or email because they think it can cause misunderstandings. They say you can’t read people’s tone without talking to them directly. To this, I say, that this is why emojis were invented. They help us express when we are joking, mad, or sad in case our words are unclear.
Although I see how people can still be misunderstood, I like texting because I am censored that way. No matter how many times I tell myself to think before I speak, I accomplish that best through text. If I have a particularly important or contentious thing to say, I almost always do it through text or email because I can reword things and make sure I say it exactly the way I want. I may initially think about what I’m going to say when I’m talking to someone, but it’s hard to say everything right when it is all happening in real time.
So, what about you? Do you like texting and email, or would you prefer to speak face to face? Do you have a hard time thinking things through as you are talking? When you open your mouth, do you sound intelligent, wise, kind, and thoughtful, or ignorant, rude, and thoughtless? Are others better off because of your words, or would it often be better if you had shut your mouth?
Our Words Give Us Away
As I read the civil war story between Ephraim and Gilead, I realized how easy it is to give ourselves away just by opening our mouths. The people of Gilead had already killed many of the Ephraimites, so when the remainder tried to escape, the Gileadites set up checkpoints along the crossing areas of the Jordan River. To cross safely, each man had to say the “magic word,” Shibboleth. Because the two people groups pronounced their words differently, this was the perfect test. If they said Sibboleth instead, leaving out the “Sh” sound at the beginning, then they gave themselves away as Ephraimites and were killed.
I realized how that is also true of us. We may appear intelligent by attending the best university, having a professional career, or being very wealthy. Still, as soon as we open our mouths, we immediately give away our level of intelligence. We may be modestly dressed, giving to the poor and needy, or standing in a church building, yet as soon as we open our mouths, we can give away the type of person we really are. If that person is wise, knowledgeable, kind, caring, and good, our words benefit those who hear them. But if we are dark, damaged, dirty, or dumb, then we don’t want to give ourselves away by opening our mouths, right?
He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
Proverbs 17:27-28
Just Shut Your Mouth
After a 15-month deployment, I was so happy to see my husband that I vowed to shut my mouth instead of saying anything unkind or negative to him. I was following the advice from Thumper’s parents in the Disney movie Bambi. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” I had two small children at the time, which is why I was gathering my wisdom from Thumper’s parents, I guess. However, it did not take long to realize that I should have been gaining insight from the Bible.
For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts great things…
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?
James 3:2-11
What’s in Your Heart?
No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep my mouth shut forever. When I finally did open it, I gave away what was in my heart. Though I really was glad to have him home, it was overwhelming and honestly kind of disruptive. We weren’t used to him being there and it was obviously going to be an adjustment. I definitely could have said that nicely if I had expressed it early on. But instead, I kept my mouth shut until I was ready to explode. Then, explode, I did.
All my thoughts and feelings had been building up until they finally came out of my mouth.
Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement. By your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.
Matthew 12:34-37
Thoughts and Feelings
I had only been focusing on controlling my tongue and neglected to also manage my thoughts and feelings. Instead of trying to suppress everything, I should have been adjusting my thoughts and regulating my feelings so they could properly direct my mouth.
The heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds learning to his lips. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 16:23-24
The Bible says we will never fully succeed in taming our tongues. But it specifically tells us to control our thoughts.
Bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
If I had listened to Paul’s advice to the Corinthians instead of Disney’s advice to Thumper, I might have changed my thoughts and realized that my feelings were tricking me.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9
Teaching the Tongue
It’s been many years since God taught me that what’s in my heart will eventually flow out of my mouth. I still try to tame my tongue because I will never irradicate all anger, bitterness, pain, or filth from my heart. But while I’m holding my tongue, I also work on my thoughts and feelings. Like David, I ask for God’s help in not giving away the less attractive parts of my heart to the whole world.
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3
When others are angry or rude, I try to remember that a fiery response will not help matters, and I strive for gentleness. Through the years, I’ve realized that even if I am right, if I say something in the wrong way, it won’t be well received. So, I must try to be kind.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Proverbs 15:1-2
I know I have the power to hurt or help others with my words. So, I try to feed myself with goodness, wisdom, and encouragement so my words will be beneficial to all who hear them.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21
I hope you, too, will take your thoughts captive, making them obedient to God; see that your feelings can’t be trusted; add knowledge and wisdom to your lips; your heart will teach your mouth what to say; and you will bound yourself to kindness.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 31:26
Links
This is an excerpt from “Then He Opened His Mouth” as taught on YouTube, Podcast, and written on Substack. Read the beginning of the lesson for free. Or read it in its entirety, along with previous lessons over Deuteronomy, Joshua, and Judges, for $6/month or $60/year. Once subscribed, you’ll receive one lesson each week after that by email. Cancel anytime.
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